Simultaneously Full and Waning

August 27th, 2006

Eight stacked cups dominate the foreground. A man is walking away from them, turning his back on what they represent, and heading instead for the barren mountains in the distance. He is a solitary traveler and carries nothing but his staff. The Moon is visible in the sky above him and is shown simultaneously full and waning.

Energy. It’s all around us. It’s a part of everything both you and I can see, feel, hear and experience. Our thoughts and emotions are all influenced by chemical reactions taking place effortlessly within our being. But it’s not just inside of us, those fields of energy are released and passed on to everything around us. We are also feeding on the energy around us like a parasite would to its host. It’s as if our body is a company being traded on the NASDAQ. What’s the ticker mark? Who knows? If I were to take a shot at it, I would assume something along the lines of LIFE. Sounds like a reasonable guess to me. Bits and pieces being traded incessantly with everything around us. Have you watched “I Heart Huckabees” yet?

I would assume that everybody, at some point in their life, has been depressed or has had a feeling of doubt or anxiety. Uncertainty about the goings on in life. Maybe a lack of confidence is present and is hindering those positive thoughts from being able to take the stage. They sit back there, dreaming of being in the spotlight, doing everything in their power to peak around the curtain to get a glimpse of the screaming crowd. However, tonight’s not their lucky night, because doubt has already taken the floor, he looks over off stage toward confidence, grins, and thinks to himself, “Sucker.” You know what I’m talking about.

There are many avenues from which we can choose to reach our final destination. Some choose the short route, maybe the Interstate. Speed limit 75MPH; just hurry up and get there. Others like to take the back roads, the scenic route perhaps. Either way, we all get there. I’m trying to take the scenic route in an effort to learn as much as I can about everything around me. Stopping in Radiator Springs to visit with Mater was not such a bad idea. He introduced me to a deck of Tarot cards. He said it’s a great way to help understand the energy around us and with the cards, I would be able to gain a better understanding into both my spiritual and existential being. He was exactly right.

For the past couple weeks, I have had a lot going on in my life. Both with work and my personal life. For those of you unfamiliar with my situation, I’ve been on a leave of absense from my full time job at Apple for the past four months. In April, I tried to kill myself. I took 10 Ambien and drank a cup of GHB. If you’re not cognizant of the makeup of GHB, you can read about it here. Needless to say I ended up in the emergency room thanks to my dear friends from work. I had been going through a very rough year. I got in with a group of people who were probably not the best forms of energy to associate with. I was heavily into drugs and was doing things I would never even dream of doing. But that’s neither here nor there. Just know that I am doing well again, and back on track to return to work very soon.

Since most of my “friends” were those of, well the more negative nature, now that I’m away from that, I’ve found myself to be quite lonely. Tonight’s read couldn’t have been more perfect. I have so much going on in my life right now (hence the eight cups, prominently displayed in the foreground). My design work has taken off. I’m getting paid good money. My relationship with my family is growing better each day. The friends I once associated with are all still there for me. My passion for computers and technology is about to get its kickstand back (when i go back to Apple). Yet each day I feel these huge waves of depression and sadness. It’s as if I’m shunning all the goodness in my life instead for some desolate mountains in the distance. Just as the moon is both full and waning, my life is both full of joy and sadness concurrently.

I think the cards are a great way to put my life in perspective. To be able to focus on the energy around us (or me) and have a way to “read” it and comprehend what is actually going on, I feel, is the best way to understand it. When a problem is laid out in front of you, and you can get a better understanding of it, it’s easy to fix. Heck, writing this has allowed me to realize I have no reason to be upset. I think we all have so much to be thankful for, yet we let doubt somehow take the stage. I challenge all of you to put doubt in its place, turn around, and walk back towards those eight cups, for they are bound to be filled with something beyond your wildest dreams. Thank you Mater, for giving me an avenue to make myself a better person for myself and for those around me. (Since they are also influenced by my being.)

Eight of Cups, tarot, energy, happiness, sadness, life

Entry Filed under: Life