lâcher prise

It means let go in French. It’s on page seventeen of the program opposite its English counterpart. I wish I could learn to let go more often. Free the terrible thoughts that incessantly fill my mind.

Today wasn’t such a hot day, obviously. I woke up at 9AM, did a few touch ups on my site, and laid back down for the better part of the day. One might think having the means to do whatever one pleases, say go see a Cirque du Soleil show, might brighten one’s day. Not for me. I almost didn’t go. Twice during the day I had made my mind up that I was going to forego my purchase and stay home. I’m glad I didn’t. However I doubt my life would be any different at this very moment had I not gone. [sans the pretty book full of neat pictures and fancy sayings that cost twenty American dollars]

Sitting alone in an arena with the potential to seat thousands sent a very eerie feeling down my spine. I had to hold back tears at one point. Not the best frame of mind to be in whilst waiting to see what’s likely to be a great show, now is it? I know. When the remake of Patzivota came on, tears definately swelled in the creases of my eyes. I was laughing by the finale, but the sadness that often conceals my happy thoughts quickly ensued subsequent the close of the show. I wish I could let them go. I know it’s possible, for I’ve definately been joyful a time or two in the past. How could it be that there are over six billion people on earth and I still feel so alone?

Oh well. I’m going to goto sleep now. Nothing dreadful happens in my sleep. Here are some pictures from the show. The seat I had was spectacular. Center court, eye level with the stage. I’ll write more about the show when I no longer feel the urge to let go…

4 comments September 24th, 2006

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Add comment September 24th, 2006

Brains and stuff

So I went to the doctor today. I love my doctor. She is amazing and probably one of the best in San Francisco. Anyway, while listening to my heart, she became somewhat concerned because supposedly I have a minor heart murmor. Now don’t go freakin’ out just yet. A heart murmur is an extra or unusual sound heard during your heartbeat. She told me that murmurs range from very faint to very loud and sometimes sound like a whooshing or swishing noise. Mine was of the semi-faint nature.

A heart murmur is not a disease; it is a sound that the doctor (like mine) can hear with a stethoscope. It may be normal, or it could be a sign that something may be wrong. Most heart murmurs are harmless. Some are signs of heart problems, especially if other signs or symptoms of a heart problem are present. Considering I’ve had two black-outs now within the past month, she thought it best that I have an ultrasound done on my heart (aka echocardiogram). An echocardiogram is a test that uses high-frequency sound waves (ultrasound) to create an image of the heart. A Doppler test uses sound waves to measure the speed and direction of blood flow. By combining these tests, a cardiologist acquires useful information about the heart’s anatomy and function. Sounds crazy, huh? Well, mine is scheduled for next week.

While reading about all this heart stuff, I stumbled across an article on the topic of reductionism speaking mostly about the mind and brain and the roles they play in our lives. One of the assumptions of most people with a “scientific” worldview is that human consciousness is entirely a function of the brain. One reason for this is the well-known finding of neuroscience, that damage to the brain often affects the functioning of the mind. For example, damage to or destruction of the hippocampus through stroke or brain injury will lead to memory impairment of varying degrees. Probing different parts of the brain with electrical currents can lead to reliving memories or experiencing emotions. And a loss of blood flow to the brain leads to immediate unconsciousness. (Sort of like what has been happening to be as of late, hence the need to the echo thingy.)

However these phenomena can be interpreted in multiple ways. The standard reductionist viewpoint of the brain could be termed the “iPod model”. That is, the hardware, software and content are all encoded and packaged into a stand-alone device. The iPod consists of a hard drive on which the data (music) is stored, therefore it does not rely on any outside source for information. You can be anywhere in the world and still have the ability to listen to the exact same song, with the exact same quality.

The obvious alternative to this is the “radio” model. A radio looks very much like a tape player or an iPod. (See my cute illustrations?) Removing components from the radio may prevent it from playing certain bands (AM or FM), lock the tuning onto a particular station, or create distortion in the music. However the music itself is external to the device, and destroying the radio does not destroy the music.

Which of these two models is correct? Is mind / awareness / memory solely a product of the brain, or does the brain “tune into” and affect the mind in some fashion? There are a number of relevant points of fact that shed some light on this question. I won’t go in to the rest, but I do hope that I’ve left you with something to think about… are you an iPod or a radio?

echocardiogram, heart, brain, mind

3 comments September 19th, 2006