Get on with it

All the problems that I have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of my life and I feel there is little that can be done to change the situation. My emotions run high. But even though I feel as if at times I am about to burst… I remember this situation will pass. I do my best to release my pent-up emotions by doing things I love best, like working on my website, or listening to new music. I know there is a plethora of pass-times to help me relax, I just need to figure out what they are.

Sometimes I feel as though I am being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around me. I definitely do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate me from others. I know that life can be wonderful and am anxious to experience it in all its aspects, to live it fully. I pretty much resent any restriction or limitation that is imposed on me and I insist on going at it alone. I’m not sure why, but something inside me feels safer when I’m alone. I also feel more comfortable when I do things solo because I have absolute control. Nobody to altercate with. It’s my responsibility to make sure whatever “it” is is perfect, and I usually do a pretty darn good job at it. Perhaps a tad unhealthy. Unfortunately whatever it is that creates that safety zone when I’m alone also has the ability to concurrently tear me apart inside. Boo.

I love the feeling of being left in peace. No more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact I really don’t want to be involved in any sort of argument of any shape or form. All I want is for “them” to get on with it and to leave me alone.

3 comments October 4th, 2006