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Archive for November 26th, 2006

The Stranger

It’s long been thought that people will do things on their own accord, and it’s often nearly impossible to make somebody do something unless they want to. This is something I know to be true. A friend of mine has for months been encouraging me to read The Stanger by Albert Camus. I even went so far as to buy the book the day he initially lent me the idea but never cracked the spine. It’s been sitting on my nightstand since, staring back at me begging to be read each time I gave a glance. Today’s the day I chose to finally embrace the idea and read the book.

The book is 116 pages and I was successful in my attempt to sit and read it through. I’m thankful that I waited until now to read it for a few simple reasons. The first, and probably most important, reason being the fact that I have read and learned so much more about life in the shard of time since buying the book. This new found knowledge afforded me the ability to understand and take more from the book; more so than if I would have read it sooner. For this I’m grateful. Secondly, I’m at a point now in life where each thing I read is simply adding itself to the snowball in my simple, yet complex, mind. It’s becoming quite the blizzard in here. The good news? We’re all gonna die, so best to live a life you can be proud of as this life slips from your control.

Nothing, nothing mattered, and I knew why. So did he. Throughout the whole absurd life I’d lived, a dark wind had been rising toward me from somewhere deep in my future, across years that were still to come, and as it passed, this wind leveled whatever was offered to me at the time, in years no more real than the ones I was living. What did other people’s death’s or a mother’s love matter to me; what did his God or the lives people choose or the fate they think they elect matter to me when we’re all elected by the same fate, me and billions of privileged people? Couldn’t he see, could he see that? Everybody was privileged. There were only privileged people. The others would all be condemned one day. And he would be condemned, too.

All of which leads me to some more good news. Do you remember the days in school when you would spend countless hours studying and preparing for a test? And do you also remember the feeling you felt when you discovered you had passed not only with an A, but with flying colors? Tonight, I passed a test with flying colors.

After I concluded reading the book, a couple friends invited me to join them in attendance at a dance club here in the city. Though hesitant, I agreed to goto a to club where I knew, without a doubt, that 60+ percent of the crowd would be either A) drunk or B) high. (My best bet was on the latter.) I was neither and didn’t plan on being so. I was completely, 100% sober. Now, not too long ago, one of two scenarios might have played out. I would have either sat in the corner, arms crossed, and had a horrific time, or I would have quickly chosen to chemically alter my state of mind so that I, too, might have a good time. Not tonight. Tonight I was able to amazingly control my thoughts and actions and have as good of time as ever. It’s amazing how powerful being in complete control of your mind is. Drugs and alcohol are a ‘quick-fix’ with which I’m finished. I’ve now officially entered the realm where I’m king of my beautiful little world.