Faith pours from your walls, drowning your calls. I’ve tried to hear, you’re not near. Remembering when I saw your face shining my way, pure timing. Now I’ve fallen in deep, slow silent sleep. It’s killing me, I’m dying to put a little bit of sunshine in your life.
Soleil all over you, warm sun pours over me. Soleil all over you, warm sun.
Now this slick fallen rift came like a gift. Your body moves ever nearer, and you will dry this tear. Now that we’re here, and grieve for me, not history. But now I’m dry of thoughts, wait for the rain. Then it’s replaced, sun setting, and suddenly you’re in love with everything.
Soleil all over you, warm sun pours over me. Soleil all over you, warm sun!
It was May 2005 in which I was introduced to tarot cards for the first time. I was hanging out with some friends at a home here in San Francisco where I was introduced to a boy who left an everlasting mark on me. He offered to read my cards. I anxiously said yes, as I’m always willing to try something new. At first I was overly skeptical and didn’t think much of it, but as the night went on, and as more and more was communicated to me, I began to let go of the doubt and allowed my mind to open up to the words being spoken to me. Of course looking back now, nearly two years later, it’s easy to piece those “predictions” into their appropriate place. Regardless of whether or not any of it was actually real or true, one thing has since been on the forefront of my mind. It was on that night that my entire life was laid out before me. I was told 25 would be a horrible age for me and that once I “got through the rain” that life as I knew it would be smooth sailing from there on out.
2006 definitely brought with it plenty of rain. It was during this year that I had the opportunity to truly experience life. By this I mean all the way from the most ferocious pain imaginable to the utopia we all dream of. It would be a safe bet to say that the knowledge gained in the 24 preceding years in its entirety would pale in comparison to the things I learned this past year. I’ve always considered myself to be a very intelligent human being, and for the most part, have always been regarded by my peers and superiors by the same token. Never in a million years would I have imagined that I, Jon Long from Canadian, Texas, would become entangled in a world so ugly, so self-degrading, so abhorrently nasty that suicide was an ever prevailing thought. Needless to say it happened.
On April 13, 2006 I was taken to the emergency room by my boss and co-worker (to whom I owe my everlasting gratitude) after I overdosed on GHB after having been up for days. It was a feeble attempt to end the pain that had been building and as I laid there in my bed, I could only hope that it would all be over soon. Fear ruled my world.
Time passed. I became well again after many hard months of recuperation. My birthday was quickly approaching and life was almost back to normal when those ever lingering feelings of loneliness and sadness finally overtook me. I called up the drug dealer and was instantly taken back to the wretched darkness that ruled my life before. It was at this moment that my life changed forever.
On October 22, 2006, I wrote down a recollection of the thoughts I had as I laid motionless on my bed that night. It was during that sleepless slumber that I finally realized something that had incessantly perplexed my hungry mind. I realized that I didn’t need to or even want to believe in god any longer. As I read what I wrote today, I’m somewhat embarrassed by my bold naivety and would definitely change (and fix) a few things now that my mind has been cleared. However, as far as the underlying message goes, I firmly believe that life is simply what we make it out to be. Nothing more. Nothing less. We are our own god and are in complete control of our happiness (and sadness). I’ve also taken the opportunity to further my knowledge on the subject by reading numerous books by men far more intelligent (or at least educated) on the subject at hand than myself.
I’ve not touched a single chemical since that awfully dark October night. I am ever grateful that I experienced those lows because they led me to where I am today. I have never been happier in my life. The books I’ve read in recent months have simply underscored the thoughts I had that night, but they have allowed me to process them in a way that I never thought possible. I guess my point is 25 was definitely a wild and crazy trip and like a child I must ask, “Are we there yet?” My answer to that would be yes. I’m there. I’m finally able to experience true happiness.
It was May 2005 in which I was introduced to tarot cards for the first time. I was hanging out with some friends at a home here in San Francisco where I was introduced to a boy who left an everlasting mark on me. He offered to read my cards. I anxiously said yes, as I’m always willing to try something new. At first I was overly skeptical and didn’t think much of it, but as the night went on, and as more and more was communicated to me, I began to let go of the doubt and allowed my mind to open up to the words being spoken to me. Of course looking back now, nearly two years later, it’s easy to piece those “predictions” into their appropriate place. Regardless of whether or not any of it was actually real or true, one thing has since been on the forefront of my mind. It was on that night that my entire life was laid out before me. I was told 25 would be a horrible age for me and that once I “got through the rain” that life as I knew it would be smooth sailing from there on out.
On April 13, 2006 I was taken to the emergency room by my boss and co-worker (to whom I owe my everlasting gratitude) after I overdosed on GHB after having been up for days. It was a feeble attempt to end the pain that had been building and as I laid there in my bed, I could only hope that it would all be over soon. Fear ruled my world.
