Almost Whole

It’s been three and a half weeks since my heart was broken; since my joy ride came to a crashing halt. Out of the blue, a crazy revelation was brought to my attention. Imagine, if you will, a bird flying peacefully through the sky in the neighborhood of cloud nine, then suddenly being sucked into an airplane engine. Feathers everywhere; it’s not a pretty site.

That happened to me on August 9, 2008. Cloud nine suddenly became a nasty thunderstorm of bad feelings. Perhaps the meteorologists saw it coming, but I failed to watch the news. Nah, I doubt they saw it. But there it was, for me at least, the storm of the century.

When I do something, I pour my heart into it. I had poured my heart into this and suddenly felt as if the plug at the bottom of the barrel was ripped out. I guess you have to be careful where you pour your heart. Sometimes the barrel isn’t ready to be filled; or perhaps it lacks the need or desire to be filled.

The rain has finally stopped, and blue sky tries its best to peak from behind the scattered puffiness left in the storm’s wake. As always, I’m sure things will get better. They always do. But getting better doesn’t necessitate feeling better. It doesn’t answer the plethora of questions that continually swirl in my head. While they’re wreaking havoc, I’m soldiering on.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few weeks studying my Tarot cards. Amazingly enough, they have been freakishly accurate and completely inspiring. I did a relationship spread and, gosh, it left me smiling. I’ll not bother with details, but on the “Lessons” line, for him: four of cups, and for me: three of swords. In short, four of cups suggests one has turned inward, wrapping themselves with thier own world and consequently missing unique and favorable opportunities being offered to them. Three of hearts describes sudden pain. Heartbreak. A jolt in reality. Sadness.

In the end, I think we all win. I’ve learned I need to work on being too nice. I need to focus on giving myself the same tender care I’ve clearly been able to give everyone else. It is when I can do that, that all my dreams can come true. My life, thus far, has been pretty good. Great actually. But I surely can’t wait to get on the road again. The joy ride was completely amazing, fulfilling, and inspiring. Please join me again. I’ll pay for gas! :)

Add comment September 2nd, 2008